a portrait of the artist as a young woman

Once upon a time, I was excited about my chosen career path: graphic design. I see that freshness, that wide-eyed the-world-is-full-of-possibilities look in the eyes of our interns. Just so excited to have their foot in the door at a prominent agency, it never occurs to them that their enthusiasm will be reduced over the years to merely a get-this-shit-done-and-off-my-desk attitude.

Don't get me wrong - every now and then a project comes along that does genuinely excite me. I get fired up, thinking of all the innovative ways I can solve the problem before me.

And then the reality of the situation begins to unfold: balancing creative direction from multiple superiors, pushing the design further and then praying that the account executive has enough gravitas to sell it. If it's sold, yay! But if the client can't see the forest for the trees, or if you end up with an AE that rolls over to every nonsensical client request, its back to square one. That enthusiasm starts to fade as your ideas are chipped away at as though you gave the overall design and the clients' marketing goals no thought at all. "Why did I even bother going to college, again?" we start to ask ourselves.

Or perhaps the issue isn't with the client, it's with your particular agency structure. [Sidenote: It's absolutely ludicrous that there is no course in college teaching how an agency works. But that's for another post.] Maybe you have too many cooks in the kitchen. Or an anal retentive traffic department that withholds jobs in an ego-centered effort to manage everyone's time or be "helpful" by trying to keep you from feeling overwhelmed. Or AE's who take it personally when their job has to be put on hold for a "more important" client. It just happens, and it's not up to us (the art directors).

And as for feeling overwhelmed? Welcome to life as a creative in advertising. There seem to be three types of creatives: those who ended up in it because they're good at the software and are there to make a living. They're great production artists and can churn out jobs like a champ. Or perhaps they're ladder-climbers, as were so common in the booming '90's economy - it's all about the recognition, the money and building the perfect portfolio that will impress the next largest agency on your list - client best interests be damned. They're so convinced of their idea that any attempt to offer constructive criticism, direction or critique is met with stubborn resistance. "The client just doesn't get it." Well, yeah, that happens. It's part of advertising. So get over it. It's not a personal insult to you as a designer, it's just the client's preferences. Sometimes it's worth fighting for, and sometimes you just gotta let it go. Those times suck, but choose those battles wisely.

Then there are the ones like me - the genuinely passionate and frustrated designer - valuing the balance of design and its integrity with what will produce the best results for the client above all else. I'm not motivated by money in any way beyond being able to pay my bills on time. In fact, I take it as an insult when the promise (often unfulfilled) of more money is supposed to make me jump up and say, "well, why didn't you say so?! Now I really care about this job!" Sure, I'd like to make more money, we all do (to unintentionally quote Ms. Sally Struthers), but only because I personally am constantly struggling to make ends meet, and choosing which essentials I can live without until the next paycheck.

We may tend to push ourselves further as designers, but we also make ourselves physically and psychologically ill with our obsessive perfectionism and tendency to work ourselves to death. Then, because of our role as the work horses of the agency and the low to mid-level pay that goes with that, we take on freelance projects for crap pay because, well, how am I going to get to work without gas money?

On the odd occasion when our artistic abilities are honestly appreciated by your co-workers and clients, its like a drug. "Tell me again how fabulous that web site is!" We need the approval like we need oxygen to breathe.

As adults, the people we look up to in our careers become almost parental figures; their praise feeding our drive to keep putting up with the day-to-day bullshit for the promise of more of these artistic victories. We once again regress to become our 5-year-old selves, handing our crayoned vision to our parent, waiting excitedly for the loving praise of our talents that was surely to come. As much as I hate the phrase "like mother's milk," that's exactly what is was, and what praise from our contemporaries continues to be for us as grown-ups in the workplace.

For those who have still managed to keep your passion after a decade or more in the industry, I envy you. I do still have the love of good design in my heart, but it's a struggle to keep frustrations from overwhelming that love and killing my drive.

And for those just starting out - still bright-eyed with excitement, your worlds and lives still brimming with a million possibilities - hold on to that feeling for dear life. Write notes to yourself that you'll read years later about how happy you are to be doing what you're doing, learning what you're learning. We're sensitive people, creatives, and we need to remind ourselves of and focus on our passions to have balance in our lives. Don't let the man get you down.