I personally have suffered quite a bit of anxiety over impending social interaction in my lifetime. I've learned to deal with it, but I know it's a very common problem for those of us with a turn towards the techie to be a bit shy - and some of us, to the point of losing relationships that are important to us because the thought of calling them on the phone makes us nervous. But hey, wait! Email's great, but what if we could just update some personal status message, and all our friends could login, check it at their convenience, and we can respond or not - again, at our own convenience. That's the key - not forcing us to feel on the spot. We need time to think about how we would best word our thoughts.
So the biggest upside for me personally of Facebook (and to a lesser degree, LinkedIn and MySpace) is the ability to keep up with the lives of some of the people that mean the most to me. A lot of them are friends from high school, college or old jobs who I'd probably have lost touch with long ago if not for social media.
Monday, January 5, 2009
everyone has a celebrity best friend.
well, I know I speak for the ladies on this subject - the basis of our interactions is empathy, so its only natural that part of our many daydreams is the one where we're having a cup of coffee with our celebrity best friend, gossiping like the old friends we are. See, we've been friends since *before* she was famous, (or perhaps we met by chance at a bar near some movie set) so she sees me as someone who keeps her grounded. And she's so real! Isn't it cool that we know the *real* her?
so it goes in my mind when I watch an interview of Kate Hudson. She seems so real, and very hippie-ish like myself. I could totally chill with her, light one up, and have a girlfriends' bitch fest about divorce, men and the annoyances of being famous (well, just her on that last point). She'll call me from set, and I'll hold my phone up so my friends can see "Kate Hudson" on my cell phone screen.
so it goes in my mind when I watch an interview of Kate Hudson. She seems so real, and very hippie-ish like myself. I could totally chill with her, light one up, and have a girlfriends' bitch fest about divorce, men and the annoyances of being famous (well, just her on that last point). She'll call me from set, and I'll hold my phone up so my friends can see "Kate Hudson" on my cell phone screen.
i don't care what anyone thinks, i want britney to succeed
It's not just for me, it's for all of my fellow Southern girls, the smart and the bless-her-heart-dumb alike. Even if Brit were a rocket scientist ('cuz God knows she ain't), as soon as an exaggerated diphthong comes out of our mouths, they assume our IQ drops at least 20 points.
The girl does make me angry sometimes though - like when she uses the "but we're country!" excuse. I let loose an involuntary "uuuggghhh," watching her blow an opportunity to actually break, not live up to, stereotype.
I digress. Once her mental health issues became apparent last year, I started looking at her in a different way. A girl in a strange town, family on the other side of the country, trying to find some semblance of stability and a family of her own. I know that feeling all too well.
I, too, rushed into a marriage. And as the child of divorced parents, you're that much more determined to "succeed" at marriage. Granted, Britney's parents have only recently divorced, while mine have been divorced since I was 12. But her fresher pain only drove her that much more intently. *She* proposed to KFed. I planned my own proposal, down to the ring style and location. And we found men willing to go along, whatever their motivation. I wanted children, my ex didn't. He too preferred to lay around the house while I worked, while accusing *me* of being materialistic.
The moral of the story is the same - turn a girl's world upside down, especially a Southern girl whose family is always top on the priority list, she will grasp at the first chance for anything that feels familiar, comfortable and stable. Marriage, with its predefined societal roles, feels safe - the parts we are expected to play are already known to both partners. And what are you supposed to do after you're married? Have babies, of course! And then we'll have the happy family we always wanted because, damnit, we learned from watching our parents mess it up.
Only, we didn't learn from it. What we learned was what we saw. Our blueprint for adult relationships was imprinted from those childhood observations.
The Britney I see now is in a place I also know - on the other side of divorce, but in control again, on the uphill climb. The light is in her eyes again, her determination is back. She's survived some very real pain, and she's ten times as confident for having those experiences. Maybe it's time she revisited her song, "Stronger," for a grown-up remix.
I also went through a mistake of a marriage and the inevitable divorce that followed. But we learn that we create our own stability. We as strong women can buy our own homes, secure our own lives, earn our own money - and enough to live on.
I feel that in my own life, I have finally found the person I was always meant to end up marrying. He saw me through it all, and in going through it all, I saw what I really wanted in a life partner.
I hope Brit has learned some of the same things. And I hope that now that that first marriage, and all the expectations attached to it, is over, she'll be freer to choose someone for exactly who they are, not who they may become or what roles they're willing to play. As my own Southern momma says, "just because a man asks to marry you, doesn't mean you have to say yes."
But the next time it happens, and you know its for real, the yes will probably pop out of your mouth, with surprise and genuine happiness. Not because you're playing a part in a play you've written or because you're trying to hurry your life along faster than you should - but because you've found stability *and* love.
The girl does make me angry sometimes though - like when she uses the "but we're country!" excuse. I let loose an involuntary "uuuggghhh," watching her blow an opportunity to actually break, not live up to, stereotype.
I digress. Once her mental health issues became apparent last year, I started looking at her in a different way. A girl in a strange town, family on the other side of the country, trying to find some semblance of stability and a family of her own. I know that feeling all too well.
I, too, rushed into a marriage. And as the child of divorced parents, you're that much more determined to "succeed" at marriage. Granted, Britney's parents have only recently divorced, while mine have been divorced since I was 12. But her fresher pain only drove her that much more intently. *She* proposed to KFed. I planned my own proposal, down to the ring style and location. And we found men willing to go along, whatever their motivation. I wanted children, my ex didn't. He too preferred to lay around the house while I worked, while accusing *me* of being materialistic.
The moral of the story is the same - turn a girl's world upside down, especially a Southern girl whose family is always top on the priority list, she will grasp at the first chance for anything that feels familiar, comfortable and stable. Marriage, with its predefined societal roles, feels safe - the parts we are expected to play are already known to both partners. And what are you supposed to do after you're married? Have babies, of course! And then we'll have the happy family we always wanted because, damnit, we learned from watching our parents mess it up.
Only, we didn't learn from it. What we learned was what we saw. Our blueprint for adult relationships was imprinted from those childhood observations.
The Britney I see now is in a place I also know - on the other side of divorce, but in control again, on the uphill climb. The light is in her eyes again, her determination is back. She's survived some very real pain, and she's ten times as confident for having those experiences. Maybe it's time she revisited her song, "Stronger," for a grown-up remix.
I also went through a mistake of a marriage and the inevitable divorce that followed. But we learn that we create our own stability. We as strong women can buy our own homes, secure our own lives, earn our own money - and enough to live on.
I feel that in my own life, I have finally found the person I was always meant to end up marrying. He saw me through it all, and in going through it all, I saw what I really wanted in a life partner.
I hope Brit has learned some of the same things. And I hope that now that that first marriage, and all the expectations attached to it, is over, she'll be freer to choose someone for exactly who they are, not who they may become or what roles they're willing to play. As my own Southern momma says, "just because a man asks to marry you, doesn't mean you have to say yes."
But the next time it happens, and you know its for real, the yes will probably pop out of your mouth, with surprise and genuine happiness. Not because you're playing a part in a play you've written or because you're trying to hurry your life along faster than you should - but because you've found stability *and* love.
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